47 Days

47 Days.
I've noticed that each day without Laura is an anniversary, of sorts. Not a good, celebratory type, but another lonely day and night wondering just what the hell happened.
My doctor prescribed an antidepressant - it does help me to sleep but I'm afraid that it doesn't allow me to really touch the pain and grief. I learned the lesson from losing our daughter RuthE that to cope with the pain, you need to touch it. It's okay to put a bandage on it for time, but you really need to peel it off every once and awhile and  check on it. Soon, I'll wean myself off this medication so I can check on things.

I'm still working on the house, trying to make it ready to convert some of it to an Air BNB. It's a perfect situation - out of the way, in the woods, log cabin. I'm hoping to attract interest since there's not another AirBNB in Newberry, SC. The view from the upstairs bedroom is wonderful! Pond, woods, stone chimney just outside the double windows. The area is relatively quiet, except when my neighbor's hunting dogs go on a tear. But that doesn't happen very often. For a weary traveler, it's a great place to get a good night's rest.

My friends keep checking in on me. They knew Laura and are totally in tune with the love that Laura and I shared for 40 plus years. They have been totally supportive and helpful. My family has been trying to make sure that I stay busy. We have a couple of projects under our belts and a couple more lined up. This is always a good thing.

My nephew is studying in England and has kept me occupied with his and his brother's web page, checking out photos of their travels. Over the holidays, they rented a car and drove through a good portion of Europe - stopping in Paris long enough to light two candles in Notre Dame Cathedral - one for Laura and one for Ruth E. That was very, very thoughtful of them.

Every day. Every single day I tell Laura I love her and I miss her. I imagine that I'll continue to do this for the rest of my life.
My God, how I miss that girl!