A Great Loss

I am so confused now. I am in shock. I am so very sad and numb.
Laura, my wife, my all and the love of my life for over 40 years left this earth.
Where do I go now?
She was my rock, my partner, my teammate and my very reason for existence.
Now she is gone.
We had a celebration of her life on the first Saturday in December. She wanted that. No mournful funeral for her. No way! She always left those affairs with sadness and did not want anyone walking away with sad thoughts of her. She was life! She loved smiles and happy thoughts.
Her celebration was attended by over a hundred friends and family members who came from near and far to share stories of Laura. Most were stories that I had never heard before.
It was a joyous celebration.
After our daughter Ruth Elizabeth passed in 2002, we did the whole mortuary/service thing. It was a very sad affair. Afterwards her family and friends gathered at my mom's house for food and, while gathered around the big fire that my brother had built outside, the stories that were shared about Ruth E. started flowing like the wine which was being served. There was laughing and a celebration of her life. When we got home, Laura said "that's how I want to be remembered. No 'bad organ music', no trying to save souls, just a fond remembrance of how I lived-not how I died". We tried to respect her wishes. I think we honored that wish. Everyone said that it was the most beautiful way to honor someone's life. After every shared story a toast was made in Laura's honor.

I went back to work today.
My co-workers have been very supportive and kind. They've even offered to help me sort through Laura's clothes and determine which to sell (Laura was in retail for years and has so many things that still have the tags on them) and which to donate. They are a very sweet bunch!
Our friends.
What can I say? The outpouring of love and support has been overwhelming. It's no secret why we are friends. The love that they had for my wife was almost equal to the love that I carried for her for years and years. They displayed this love in deeds and in kind, loving words as I walked around in a state of shock.
Our family.
Our dad, Charles Pete Reid, demanded that we always love our brothers and sister. He would have it no other way. The issues that he had as a child with his family gave rise to his attitude that we would always have each other, no matter what. And we have remained true to his ideal. Only once was this tested and our taking on a building project together helped to mend that small rip.
My son, who has now lost a sister and a mom, has been strong, and makes of me a very proud father. He stepped up and proved that he was the man that we always thought him to be.
His wife and her mom. Angels here on earth best describes them.
My beautiful grand daughter Fiona. My heart and now, my very reason for hanging around on this earth as long as possible. Laura made me promise that I would dance with her on her wedding day. I will try my very hardest to fulfill that request.

Where to go from here?
I really don't know. I was only 18 when Laura and I first began dating and 19 when we married. I am now 59.
I only know that I will drag myself out of bed each morning and go through the motions. I will eat, shower, go to work and come back home to the most empty home that I have ever been inside of.
I will learn to do laundry, to cook and to tend to Fiona's childhood cuts and scrapes
I will attempt to set up a tent alone, learn how to make campfire biscuits and tell campfire stories with the same flourish that Laura had.
I will.
I will because she would have wanted it this way.
I will honor her and remember 40 years of love, hardship, joy and pain.
I will focus on the good and allow the bad times to fall from my memory.
Each time that I see a bird I will think of her. She loved birds and kept food out on the deck for them as much as possible.
Each time that I hear her best friend Martha play a tune on her guitar, I will see her smiling.
I will share stories of her, especially with Fiona. She needs to remember just what a wonderful, loving MaLa that she had.
I will.