Kerlumbyer SC

The latest news that blankets the capital city is the following:
South Carolina is so gay!
Seems that an ad campaign started by the Gay Pride Movement (and a little-known ad agency in London), offered the fine folks of the SC Tourism Dept. an opportunity to shed a little gay pride on the Palmetto State in an ad campaign directed at gay travelers. The campaign, costing close to $5000 US dollars, featured posters with the above slogan pasted all over the tube (subway) walls of London. The offer being made, someone at the tourism dept thought that it was a cheap and effective way to get the word out to the international gay community that SC was the place to come and sing Kumbaya around the campfire with Bubba and his first cousins. After catching wind of this decision, someone in the legislature lost their mind, called all the other bubbas in the senate and issued a statement ordering the ad agency to pull the blasphemous posters down immediately! The London agency followed the instructions and removed the offending posters but demanded payment for services rendered. The Tourism Dept refused to pay (after firing the individual who decided to go with the campaign in the first place) and a big mess was set to take place. The SC chapter of the Gay and Lesbian Coalition stepped in and started a fundraiser to raise the $5000 and pay for the failed ad campaign.
Columbia has, like most semi-major cities, an entertainment rag called "Free Times" which showcases local eateries, clubs, bands and the like. For the last several months a contributing commentary by a local ad agency owner has graced the pages of said rag. The owner (let's call him Kevin) ran an unsuccessful bid for the mayorship of Columbia last fall and seems to use his new-found perch in the paper as a base for attacking the current mayoral administration. That said, he opined about the local ciy council putting forth an idea about a new slogan for the city of Columbia.
Council wanted to poll the citizens of Columbia or have a contest to see who could come up with the perfect slogan to attract visitors to the downtown area.
Seems that Kevin thought it a bad idea to have Columbians come up with their own slogan...not smart enough here? Not traveled enough? I'm not sure, but it leads one to believe that Kevin wanted to come up with his own slogan for the city (and charge the city $25,000 for the idea). Kevin is the guy who came up with the "My Mom/Dad works here" campaign for the SC Dept of Transportation.
In keeping with the spirit of this all-american debate, we at work have decided to pose the question on our next installment of "On the Street" which airs on a local Columbia area cable station. Some that have been submitted already follow:

Columbia: The Big Sweaty
Columbia: The only one in SC!
Columbia, Columbia! There, I said it twice!
Columbia: We have a cool zoo.
Columbia: If you hate mountains AND the beach, there's no better place in the state!
A noble spirit embiggens the smallest Columbian.
Yes, we have Colombian--I mean, Columbian coffee...
Columbia: Make yourself comfortable. You ain't goin' nowhere, boy.
Voted least progressive capital in the southeast. Take THAT, Charlotte!
You ain't from around here, are you, friend?
Columbia: A geographical oddity--two 'ours from ev'rwhar!
Columbia: Where the magic begins. And ends. Seriously. Don't be thinking you're going to get hold of our magic and sneak off in the night with it. It's OURS, you hear? You and your kind just keep your hands to yourself while you're here and don't make no sudden moves, and we'll get along just fine, see? You watch yourselves. We don't take kindly to magic thieves. And you look like a magic-thieving scumbag if'n I ever seen one. I saw you eyein' our magic just as soon as you stepped into town. What's that? Call me a liar, will you? Fetch my broomstick, Junior...
Columbia: Watch us make this pencil disappear.

Do you have any?