New Normal? What??

It dawned on me that I had mentioned here, and to several family members that Laura's passing presented me with a 'new normal'.
There's nothing normal about this.
Tomorrow marks thirty days without her and I still try to come to terms with the fact that she'll not be coming home from work at 4:27 PM; or, after waking up in the morning, come to the living room door from our bedroom and say "may I have some coffee?".
She won't be chasing Fiona around the house, screaming at the top of her lungs "Now I'll get you!" while Fiona zips and darts every which way to keep from being captured. And she certainly won't look over at me and smile and say "I love you more".
I so miss these things. Things that you kind of take for granted. These everyday things.
Why, as humans, do we only seem to consider what we don't have anymore?  What is no longer visible to us? I had all these things each day and feel as if I took them all for granted.
To hear her voice, or smell that perfume that she wore, or to see her coming in the front door again - what I wouldn't give for this!
Maybe I did appreciate all this. I know that we stayed together for 40 + years for a reason. Maybe we really did appreciate one another
I never expected Laura to go before me. After all, I was the one who had the heart issues. I was the one who had to take 'maintenance meds' daily. I was the reckless one who drove too fast on a motorcycle; or jumped from an airplane more than twice.
Or, if I were to say what my outspoken bride would really say - "Larry was the stupid one!"
I would have to nod my head and agree with her.
No, she was supposed to far out live me, reaching the ripe old age of 100, sitting with the great grands on her knee and relating stories of how 'granddaddy Larry' used to do such foolish things. I depended on her for this.

I have had several people tell me that "it was her time" or "God needed another angel".
Oh hell no! I can't buy that. It wasn't her time. She was screwed out of what should have been the best years we would have together. She was loving her role as a grandmother and had plans. She was making plans for our future. She was so proud of the fact that she'd dropped a few pounds and could get into her older clothes.
No...it wasn't her time.
Yet, she's gone. And I see this. And, while I don't want to accept this fact, the fact is - I will have to.
But it certainly is NOT normal.
That's probably enough for today.