Er...please pardon me, but...

...I must take issue with the views of my esteemed co-author and very good friend on his recent posting (It's not a pretty scene down on the floor of the DNC August 27). To judge ones looks, I feel that you should take the subject's appearance in context with the surroundings. The 2008 Democratic Convention from Denver has been a hoorah-fest for all those folks who want to save the planet, feed the hungry (remember the gov.cheese program?), heal the sick (medicaid/medicare), raise the dead (stem cell research, anyone?) and make the little girls talk outta their heads. That's right. He's the one, the one they call...but I'm getting off track here.
We're talking female hotties, or rather the lack of female hotties at the DNC. All these democratic women have had to dress for the show and the show is not a day at the beach. To find what these women looked like away from the stuffy environs of the political arena, we followed them to...where else...the beach.
Now I must agree with my esteemed, yet misguided, cohort on how these women look in this political setting. Pelosi, Senators Amy Klobuchar and Claire McCaskill, Madeline Albright and Hillary all dressed for the ball, so to speak and they might not appear very attractive to the untrained eye. But in the right setting, boys-hold your applause! Let's take a look at some convention shots to illustrate this point, shall we?

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi

I agree that Nancy (may I call you Nancy? No?) that Sen Pelosi looks older, more 'politician=like' in this recent shot.
Now, check her out in this beach blanket bingo setting:



A real hottie, right? Oh yeah! I wish they all could beat California girls!
But enough of the crappy convention shots. Let's get straight to the 'meat' of the matter, so to speak.

How about this babe, Sen Amy Klobuchar from Minnesota. This midwest farmer's daughter really makes me feel alright!




Got your blood boiling yet? I thought so.
Remember that iron lady from the Clinton admin, Madeline Albright? She can sit on my lap anytime like a good secretary (of state) should:



Let's take a look at another fine-assed senator, this time from the great state of Missouri. Sen Clair McCaskell - show me baby!


Now I know why she was cited by the New York Times to be among the seventeen most likely women to become the first female president!

On that subject, the woman who really, really wanted to be the first Femprez has taken up a new pastime since losing to the 'real' savior in the primaries. None other than the queen of the Rose Law Firm, Hillary:



Buff Hillary says "I will not lose to another man ever again!"

But you know that I saved the best for last.
The senator who turns heads, who has all the suitors waiting in line, the senator who will drive you home, none other than:




I think I've made my point.

Unrealistic

Yeti, the Lizard Man, Sasquatch,. Loch Ness, Bigfoot,Elvis sightings and Hillary Clinton.
Images and headlines that have blared out from supermarket aisles Tabloids for as long as I care to remember, UFO babies, Bat Boy, George W.Bush,,the Illuminati and Monica's blue dress. And we believe all the bullshit, buy the papers, cast our votes, invest in our future, wash our cars and paint our houses. Haven't we been told that by 2013 the world is ending? Haven't we been warned about the rapture and it's consequences? Sumerians, Tibetans, Egyptians, Cherokees, Hopi, and Mayans refer to a 26,000 year cycle which ends with the solstice of 2012 (December 21)and the end of time. These guys had to get it right, right? I mean, what are they saying now?
They're saying nothing...nada...zilch...because they're all dead! Well, most of 'em are. They spoke of a time when the world will cease to spin (they knew this?), the heavens will swallow the earth in a cataclysmic ball of fire and spit it back out as a giant turd into the void. Well, excuse me while I go shopping. Let's see, exactly what should one pack for such a journey? "Welcome to The Armeggedon Store, may I take your order?"
"Yes, I'll take a pair of those Doc Marten boots, the 12" bowie knife, box of candles, matches, a lead-lined tent, shotgun with ammo, portable radio with a shitload of batteries, a stack of the Playboy magazines and that Washburn guitar". "Oh, and throw in one of those Elmer Fudd caps cause the nuclear winter might get 'vewy vewy cold'"
My butt!
Look, I'm no pessimist. I carry a 'hope card' in my wallet and use it all the time. Hell, I've even earned reward points! But c'mon. How can I continue to read all this grim news without somehow wanting to cave in to it? Where is all the good news? I'm not talking about Brady Bunch good news where Marsha finally gets her period but news that would give all humanity hope for a secure future. Not happening. eh?
Oh well..."hey dude, throw in another box of candles and that stack of Hustler magazines too"
Oy veh.

It's not a pretty scene down on the floor of the DNC.

Being somewhat of a political junkie, I can't resist watching the horror show that is the Democratic National Convention. Yet, this post is not political, save to say that it is a safe bet that I won't be voting for their nominee.

That said...I must make an observation and this is it: For the love of all that's good, are there not ANY good looking female democrats. Most of the speakers have railed against the budget deficit; but nary a word about the reasonably good looking woman deficit at this convention? Yikes! I feel like I'm stuck in that Seinfeld episode where the girlfriend is beautiful one minute and a hag the next; but with these DNC troglodytes, there are no good looking moments. No matter how wide the camera angle, it never catches a drop dead, good looking female face or form. And it's not one bit better on the stage either. Pelosi, Michelle, and Hillary are each capable of haunting an eleven room house by themselves. You know you've got problems when Chelsea Clinton might possibly be the best looking woman in the room.

So, what gives? If the beautiful people of popular culture are as Democratic Party oriented as they appear, and in many cases claim to be, then why not shuttle in a few thousand Hollywood grade babes to, at the very least, stand around on the convention floor to help "pretty up" the crowd?

Where are the glamour-pusses when you need them? Julia?, Charlize?, Sandra: Your party needs you! It's frightening down on the floor of the Pepsi Center...and tonight they're moving the show to Invesco Field where there are fifty thousand more seats; and that means fifty thousand more opportunities for camera shots of dour, life-long democrats with hairy legs and caterpillar eye brows.

Where is your patriotism you gorgeous babes of tinsel town? Have you no sense of duty?

A strange liquid substance falls from the sky!

Up-Country residents cower in fear.

Old Timers identify substance as "rain".